Have you ever thought, “I need therapy.”
But, then your next thought, “I don’t have insurance right now…” stops you in your tracks? Or, you wonder, “Can I really deal with this now?” And, my favorite, “It’s too overwhelming, the thought of finding a therapist and taking months and months to get that person up to speed on all that has happened in my life.”
Well, my friend, author, Amy Eden has an answer for everything that is keeping you stuck when it comes to addressing your deep, dark and highly personal issues. Her new book, The Kind Self-Healing Book, is an amazing work-book for anybody ready to tackle lifelong emotional issues that are hurtful or limiting.
Page by page; chapter by chapter, she gently leads you through very do-able exercises that are highly meaningful. (By meaningful, I mean that by page 18, I was crying. Not that I didn’t need to cry along with my inner child!)
Here’s how Amy describes her book: If you grew up within a chaotic family environment caused by chronic inconsistency, stress, and emotional or physical abandonment or abuse-whether due to addictions, political unrest, war, or a parent’s mental health issues — The Kind Self-Healing Book is for you. If you are prone to anxiety, depression, self-doubt, people-pleasing, or decision-making influenced by fear, or if you want to free yourself of the coping behaviors that worked in a disordered childhood but don’t serve you in adulthood, The Kind Self-Healing Book is for you.
I am really loving this book, and taking my time with it. While I’ve been reading and doing the exercises, and getting in touch with my Inner Child, I’ve been remembering so many things. Like how much I loved making things with paper. My grandfather, dad and uncle owned a print shop, so I was always elbow deep in wonderful card stock and velum and ink. My father and I used to make doll houses and furniture with doors that opened and drawers that pulled in and out. (Not that I loved dolls, just building with paper!)
So it wasn’t a complete surprise that while reading The Kind Self-Healing Book I wondered if I could make a little paper boat like the little drawing Amy uses at the bottom of each page. So, I Xeroxed two copies of the cover and placed them back to back and folded them, like I make a paper boat every day. And then it needed a flag, so I used a vintage dictionary page and pasted it on a toothpick mast. And rope is always good, so I rolled some twine. And a paper boat really needs a big anchor, in this case, a rusty old hammer-head.
The strange part was, for the hour it took me to make this little construction, so I would have a fun image to go along with this blog post, I was completely at peace and content. Sort of like a child without worries.
Toxic Mom Toolkit 
I have a question… what if my mother has apologized for some of the things she’s done to me, but I’m still not able to forgive her? Does that make me a terrible person? Granted, she hasn’t COMPLETELY changed…I am in my mid 40’s (mother of 3, and a grandmother of 3), but she still tries to treat me like a child, is still manipulative, and dismisses my feelings… but she isn’t “as” horrible as she once was. Still, that being said, I just can’t bring myself to forgive her….
I wonder why sometimes we feel like we aren’t allowed to feel our feelings? Or wonder why we should still have them? Only you know what your mother did to you or continues to do to you, which is toxic. You are allowed to feel your feelings and if you don’t want to or don’t feel like or aren’t ready to forgive, just live with that. I would say don’t feel like you are a bad person for feeling your feelings. You are the best and only judge to decide if what you feel is true. And only you have to live with your decisions about how you relate to others – even your mother. Be kind to yourself. Not everything can be tied up neatly, right? With toxic moms, it is so complicated sometimes.