Toxic Mom Toolkit Journal Project
Question #1:
When you were a little girl, what did you dream about growing up and becoming?
As much as our lives change as we mature, often, our dreams stay the same. In my case, the grade school student who carried leather bound classics to and from school every day hoping teachers would view her as smart, actually did eventually become a New York Times journalist.
But not before my high school counselor told me I should consider a career in retail and an extended period of working in the secretarial pools in brokerage houses up and down San Francisco’s Montgomery Street.
What we dreamed of doing tells our adult selves volumes of how we saw ourselves and how we thought our family saw us. Were we discouraged or encouraged by our mothers? Were we helped or hindered? Think back and connect the dots from that very first job (in my case as a file clerk at the Pacific Stock Exchange) to where we are now. How far have we come? How far can we go? And what role did our mother play in our journey?
The best writing advice I ever got was to just write like you talk.
Give yourself 15 to 20 minutes of free writing – meaning – just write like you’re unloading to a good friend. Just let it go. It doesn’t have to be perfect. There’s no grade. It’s just for you.
And don’t forget to let me know what you think about the first question at Toxic Mom Toolkit on Facebook
Toxic Mom Toolkit 
very good question. Thought provoking. My problem is that I have blocked out so much of my childhood I can’t remember!! Maybe if I let this sit and soak in a thought or two will pop in my head!
Having blocked out tons of trauma myself I totally understand. Maybe you can think about how you dressed or wanted to dress for Halloween; what adult occupations you were curious about… or what adults you thought of being like. Feel free to begin journalling with any question that works better for you. Good luck on your journal!
I was interested in writing but never pursued it seriously because I never believed I was smart enough to be a writer. I finally tried freelancing in my 30s with a few pieces being published plus a mountain of rejections. I lost my confidence (again) and gave it up.
I never pursued art ambitiously because I never thought I was good enough. Due to a job layoff I’m pursuing my art more seriously now and realizing how much I enjoy it. I’m still getting past the guilt that was programmed into me that art was frivolous fun and only to be indulged in when all my chores were done. (Really, when are all our chores done?!) It’s a daily battle.
Much of my life has been a struggle between making a living and loving what I’m doing. The trick is to have faith that you are
hard-wired to do what you were meant to do.